The compounding effect of (not) going out
I’m sitting at the bar on the upper level of this establishment, as a party rages on the floor below.
Although my watch warned me that it was loud enough down there to cause hearing loss, I didn’t in this case need its advice.
In our early 30’s now, many signs of our youthful choices have started to appear - injury prone backs, sensitive knees, some stress lines, and beer bellies. What remains conspicuously invisible, is the hearing loss earned by years of going out.
Every time we go out, to concerts, clubs, or not quiet bars, we become yet more accustomed to the volume, the slight pain in our ears, the tinnitus that heralds the loss of hearing. And so, it being less painful each time, some of us go out more.
This phenomenon compounds the other way too. Each time we don’t go out, our hearing stays intact, and gradually recovers. So going out never gets any less painful. At some point it stops making sense, having done it repeatedly with the same outcome. And so for some of us, the invisible physical gulf between us and our peers widens.
And then comes a day when you go to a bar for a bachelor party for a childhood friend, and you like the music and you want to dance but it feels like torture just to be in the room. So you down a drink and hope that helps but half an hour later your head and ears bursting, you step outside, only to discover that long-forgotten ringing. And you wonder why you thought it would be any different this time.
And then you wonder if there is something wrong with you, for not being able to enjoy so simple a pleasure. When everyone else can, why can’t you just enjoy a drink or two, and be part of the group for a few hours? What makes something seemingly so enjoyable for your friends so unbearably painful for you?
And that’s when you start thinking about the invisible, physical, compounding effect of not going out.
PS - The bar was called “Las Cuevas de Los Rajahs”, ( Cave of the Rajas ) named in honor of a white dude who set up a kingdom in Borneo, and his descendants. 🤷🏼♂️
Also, I stumbled upon the fascinating story of Pitcairn Island and the Mutiny on the HMS bounty. Crazy, how unpredictable and mutable life on the sea used to be.
And sadly, that compounded effect not only affects your physical state, it affects your friendships, like you said. That invisible gulf widens, your friends invite you to fewer outings knowing you wouldn't enjoy yourself, until you find yourself at a crossroads - one where you decide to put in the effort to either enjoy the things your friends do or make new friends that might enjoy the things you now do. Such is life!